she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize