i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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