How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize