also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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