he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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