Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize