Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
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When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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