Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
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Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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