he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
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