Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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