There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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