i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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