I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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