She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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