I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize