OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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