Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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