I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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