I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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