I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize