i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize