why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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