i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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