I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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