It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
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Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
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You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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