Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You've changed since you got that strap on
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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