eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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