After last night, I could never be a politician.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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