You just made me feel so damn special
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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