I skipped work to stalk him.
nutella sex= disaster
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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