Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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