I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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