I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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