Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize