You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize