never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
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He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
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Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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