You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize