I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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