It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
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i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
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The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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