Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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