Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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