well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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