got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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