He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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