So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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