I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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