Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize