you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize