How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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