I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
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Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
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Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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