I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
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He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
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BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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